A Question for the Masses
a question for the ages:
If you want to live to a ripe old age with a comfortable nest egg and security (and want to be the inspirations for Pfizer ads), can you really live a "Carpe Diem!" or like there is no tomorrow?
I think about that all the time.
I also spend alot of time wondering why the celebrities are always photographed with the full strength Red Bull as opposed to the sugar free variety. What do they know that I don't? Is the sugar a necessary ingredient for full Red Bull effect?
Can a man respect himself if he buys shirts and shorts in the boys' section?
Why does melted cheese seem so unhealthy and indulgent while cold cheese does not?
Why do Subway customers act like they have never been in the store before and each question has never been heard before? "What kind of bread do you want?" "Oh, wow, what do you have?" "Do you want that grilled?" "Well, um, gee, yeah, you know what - go ahead and grill it."
And finally:
NEWSLETTER, MONTH 24
Dear Beck:
Today you turned two years old. This last month has been such fun for all of those around you. It has been so exciting and thrilling to see just how much you are learning in such short periods of time. You have finally mastered your alphabet puzzle. You are a world class wrestler. You refuse to learn anyone's name other than your sister's, and instead call all men "dad" and all women "mom." Except for the Simpsons. You always know where Marthge is, and never lose track of Bart. You cannot wait to get your own cell phone with unlimited text and picture messaging, internet access, video capabilities, and voicedialing. Though you would consider trading that phone for a fake ID because bars have jukeboxes, cigarette machines, and vending machines which means an unlimited number of buttons for you to push. Pushing buttons may in fact be your favourite thing to do. Perhaps you are looking for that one magical button that will allow you to stay up as late as you want, watch Charlie and Lola ad nauseum, and never, ever have iPods, GameBoys, phones, cameras, or beer pried out of your hands.
I can't keep this joke up. It's making me nauseuous. Hopefully a fair number of you got the reference.
Happy Birthday to Beck.
Today's Song: Be Gentle With Me, Boy Least Likely
posted by h.justin @ 8:09 AM
7 Objection(s)!
7 Comments:
Impressive newsletter homage. Beck's adorable.
As for the Subway question, I'm a firm believer that all service establishments should have a "virgin lane", especially Starbucks. Those of us that can give our order while in a coma don't want to stand behind the person asking questions like "what's drip coffee?".
If a grown man can still fit into clothes in the men's section, more power to them. Unless their junk is the same size as a small boy and then I say that's just sad.
Points well made, UP.
Happy birthday little buddy.
I think about that melted cheese thing all the time. But I still think it's better for you than Red Bull.
Dooce will be so proud of you.
Awww . . . I sniffled a little. I always tell b-lo that you and she will have to tell me what my kids did when they were little because I can't remember anything. You forgot that he likes to sneaky-squirrel a choice malt beverage when the adults aren't looking. Bad baby!
Love the song of the day.
B-lo is right...Red Bull will kill you.
Quiznos or Blimpie's over Subway any day.
As for melted cheese...it's the whole grease factor. If you can see the grease (like on pizza) you immediately know you're screwed. At least when the cheese is hard...you can't see it.
Happy Birthday Beck.
Ugh, I don't understand how anyone can drink Red Bull. Then again I'm a caffine baby because my once a week habit of a small non-fat latte is enough to get my heart racing.
I have serious love for melted cheese, especially fondue. Basically I want to die a death caused by over-frommage-g.
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