Three for Retirement
There comes a time when a person needs to remodel, revamp, and upgrade. I've reached that time - specifically, with respect to some of my, for lack of a better word, catchphrases. I've got three that are well-overused and are overdue for retirement. Accordingly, I am retiring the following phrases from my lexicon:
1. "Let me tell you a deep, dark secret . . ."
2. "Can we talk openly and honestly . . ."
3. "You want to hear something controversial?"
The deep dark secret of it all, is the secret is rarely, if ever, deep or dark. Openly and honestly, is usually open and honest, but all too often boring. And that controversial something, generally no real controversy exists. So! Those phrases are now retired. Like a Cornflower or Burnt Sienna crayola from the old 64 count pack.
In other news, last night I up a silver tinsel Christmas tree, decked its boughs with Urban Outfitters ornaments, and put up Christmas lights. I figure if I kick off this holiday season early, perhaps it will help me with my goal to enjoy winter this year.
Also, I went to Fashion Place mall yesterday. At both Dillards and Sears, I saw way too many "Sexy Santa" costumes available for purchase. What's a "Sexy Santa" costume? At Dillards, it's a plush red and white THONG with a plush stocking cap. Mind you, this festive display was right next to the Polo sale rack. At Dillards, it was a plush red and white boxer situation with stocking cap. Gross. If those sets sell out, they'll have to change the lyrics to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa" to "I Saw Mommy Kissing a Scary Pervert."
Today's Song: Lazy Eye, Silver Sun Pickups
posted by h.justin @ 10:18 AM
8 Objection(s)!
8 Comments:
Here's a fourth: "What you don't know is . . . ."
Let's stick with baby steps. Actually, that one can go too. But "I shit you not" stays.
Let me get this straight? You like the thong Santa suit but not the boxers?
So what your telling the world is you wear thong underwear and not boxers? Oh my!
I am going to miss phrase number one...although I always heard it as "Deep, dark secret..." omitting the first few words.
I like the ornaments from Urban Outfitters and had planned on getting some. Don't judge me for possibly having the same.
Well, gotta go...I have an appointment for the Geek Squad to set up my Christmas Tree.
No, I don't I'm telling the world that, and I don't think the world thought that's what I was telling it. Sexy Santa costumes - be they plush thong based or plush boxer based - are, in my opinion, both lame.
Hey Just, How about "I'll tell you this much..." the phrase you could say with a pipe and smoking jacket? Actually, I like that one so don't get rid of it.
I noticed plenty of "well better" this past weekend, which was new to me. At first, I didn't know what you meant-but quickly figured it out and was able to translate.
Those are the outfits that end up on sale for $1.99 and someone buys them as a joke and just because the price is so low.
I'm going to look up the Urban Outfitters ornaments right now. I also need to make more of an effort to enjoy winter this year, so far I am not off to a good start.
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