Eagle vs. Shark

Movie trailer.

I don't know how I missed this at Sundance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xVMkqaOUS0

Today's Song: 1-2-3-4, Feist

This is what I know:

1. OC Tanner at South Temple and State is setting up draped tables, elaborate floral arrangements and a martini bar.

2. The weather is perfect.

3. I have an ascot.

4. I want, I mean NEED, to go to whatever event OC Tanner is setting up.

5. I should have taken a picture.

Today's Song: Fever, Peggy Lee

When I Am Wrong

I am wrong.

I thought The Office (US version) would be a disaster and I hated the first couple episodes. And now, I love it so. How can it not be completely lovable when even the simple episode descriptions crack me up:

"The office is in crisis mode after a large shipment of Dunder Mifflin paper is accidentally sent out with an obscene watermark -- and Michael tries to manage the media with an impromptu press conference. Jim and Andy also attempt to calm the high school principal who has sent out prom invites on the affected stationery."

And for decades - at least two - I've thought I hated canned albacore tuna. Probably because as a kid it was always served with mayonnaise. Last night, I took a risk and put canned albacore on spinach leaves, added carrots and tarragon vinegar, and had a delicious dinner.

OT: In the preview for Grey's Anatomy this week, did anyone else think Callie's "I can't compete with you, just give me my husband back!" line was a little to close to Dolly Parton's Jolene?

Today's Song: Orange County, Stefy (Seriously, what is this song? I caught it on the radio and thought I'd gotten suckered into some Christian song. No, it's Top 40.)

Sexist, Egotistical, Lying Hypocritical Bigot Edition

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

Last night, I went to Trolley Square to find a present for my secretary. The potential gifts were either too whimsical, too personal, or too practical. So I'm empty handed as of now, but planning a visit to Gateway at lunch. And this, my readers, gives you just a slight glimpse of the pain and misery and inconvenience I suffer daily as a result of ZCMI Center and Crossroads closing down. Time was I could pop over to the mall for gifts for this day, that day, or no day in particular. Not no mo. Now I have to plan a trip to Gateway. Plan a trip to Fashion Place. Plan a trip to Trolley Square. Sigh.

Some of my favourite Administrative Professionals of all time:

Doralee Roades - 9 to 5
Jennifer Marlowe - WKRP
Agnes Dipesto - Moonlighting
Dawn Tinsley - Office (BBC)
Pam Beasley - Office (US)
Charlene Frazier - Designing Women
Roxanne Melman - L.A. Law
Marc St. James - Ugly Betty
Sly Lovegren - Dallas

This is one of those weeks where I feel it's a day ahead. So today feels like Thursday, and tomorrow should be Friday, so that the following day will be Saturday, but I realize that such is not the case. At least there is Lost at the end of the day.

Today's Song: Take A Letter Maria, R.B. Greaves

A Question for the Masses

a question for the ages:

If you want to live to a ripe old age with a comfortable nest egg and security (and want to be the inspirations for Pfizer ads), can you really live a "Carpe Diem!" or like there is no tomorrow?

I think about that all the time.

I also spend alot of time wondering why the celebrities are always photographed with the full strength Red Bull as opposed to the sugar free variety. What do they know that I don't? Is the sugar a necessary ingredient for full Red Bull effect?

Can a man respect himself if he buys shirts and shorts in the boys' section?

Why does melted cheese seem so unhealthy and indulgent while cold cheese does not?

Why do Subway customers act like they have never been in the store before and each question has never been heard before? "What kind of bread do you want?" "Oh, wow, what do you have?" "Do you want that grilled?" "Well, um, gee, yeah, you know what - go ahead and grill it."

And finally:

NEWSLETTER, MONTH 24

Dear Beck:

Today you turned two years old. This last month has been such fun for all of those around you. It has been so exciting and thrilling to see just how much you are learning in such short periods of time. You have finally mastered your alphabet puzzle. You are a world class wrestler. You refuse to learn anyone's name other than your sister's, and instead call all men "dad" and all women "mom." Except for the Simpsons. You always know where Marthge is, and never lose track of Bart. You cannot wait to get your own cell phone with unlimited text and picture messaging, internet access, video capabilities, and voicedialing. Though you would consider trading that phone for a fake ID because bars have jukeboxes, cigarette machines, and vending machines which means an unlimited number of buttons for you to push. Pushing buttons may in fact be your favourite thing to do. Perhaps you are looking for that one magical button that will allow you to stay up as late as you want, watch Charlie and Lola ad nauseum, and never, ever have iPods, GameBoys, phones, cameras, or beer pried out of your hands.

I can't keep this joke up. It's making me nauseuous. Hopefully a fair number of you got the reference.

Happy Birthday to Beck.

Today's Song: Be Gentle With Me, Boy Least Likely

Las Vegas Trip Report

As previously mentioned, I had a hearing in St. George on Monday. Therefore, I talked b-lo into driving down to LV with me.

I rented a car from Hertz because on long road trips, I like more space than the Mini provides. And satellite radio. I rented a midsize and was upgraded to a full size. So far, so good.

I decided to leave late on Friday night and and spend the night in either Cedar City or St. George to avoid incurring an exorbitant room charge for a Friday night in Las Vegas. St. George was all booked up, so Cedar City it was.

As Fergie sings, G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. That's right TWO stars. We checked in at 11:50pm and checked out at 8:00am.

Arrived in Las Vegas by 10:00 am on Saturday. Went straight to the mall. b-lo got a swimsuit, I got a pair of brown gingham shorts. Then we checked into the Saturday hotel.

Renaissance. So the trip definitely had forward momentum - onward and upward and all that.

HC was in town with her friends to celebrate her birthday. They were staying at the MGM. The Renaissance has a sub-par pool (it's tiny and has little to no sun exposure), and HC was nice enough to let us into their pool area. I think I am ready to go on record as saying that the MGM is my favourite pool complex in Las Vegas. I've been to Mirage, Mandalay, Bellagio, Hard Rock, Palms, New York New York, Paris, Aladdin, Caesars, Treasure Island, Bally's, Luxor, Excalibur, and I think that may be all. So anyway, MGM pool was great on Saturday. I met some people that were playing actual beer pong on a ping pong table. One of the kids looked exactly like the skinnier, smaller fella from Flight of the Concords. Big thanks to HC and friends for letting us crash the MGM pool.

Later that night b-lo and I went to Nobu at the Hard Rock. I read an article some time ago where celebrities were asked what their last meal would be, and several of them said Nobu's black cod with miso. Ever since, I've been intent to try it. Well, I did. And all those celebrities picked wrong.

Sunday, a couple bad things happened. One especially bad thing. I'm not telling internet about it because I'm too embarrassed. Instead, I will share some embarrassing pictures:

"Take a kayak!"









This is right after the "bad thing" happened (I medicated):









And medicated some more:









I hung out with a little person:









I even put a baby up for sale at FAO Schwartz:









It was a long hard day.

However, things took a turn for the better on Sunday night when I finally checked into the last hotel of the trip. You see, rooms at the MGM for Saturday night were over $400. However, for Sunday night, I got a room for $119 - including a $25 food and beverage credit. Good deal. When I got to the check-in desk, I was worn out from a long day - long weekend - in Las Vegas. Now generally, I am very concerned with getting a good room, i.e. high floor, nice view, etc. This time, I really didn't care. I didn't care to the point that I didn't make a single special request of the desk clerk. I didn't even compliment her hair, her rings, her smile, or anything. I just wanted a room key. I wasn't paying too close attention as she did her reservation talk, though I did hear a couple phrases like "just with us for the one night" "room has been preassigned" "Marquis suite" "do you want to charge to the room", etc. Finally, I got the keys. As we walked down the loooonnnngggg hallway toward the room, I started to wish I'd asked for a better room. My shoes were also killing me (I had a blister) and I wished I'd been more picky about the room. Until I realized that my room was the last room in the hall. As I put the key in the door, b-lo thought I was Punking her. "What did you do?" She asked. I didn't do anything. But a good thing happened:

Living Room:















Living Room 2:















Wet Bar:















Bedroom 1:















Bedroom 2:
















There were also two large baths and a butler called "Frank." There wasn't really a butler. But I am not kidding even a little bit when I tell you that we walked into the room and b-lo immediately called the front desk and asked to extend the stay through the end of the week. They said no go. So she intended to make the most of the luxurious room - by counting the chairs (16), the lamps (14), the towels (I lost track at 22), and the robes and slippers.

So the trip ended on a good note. And I won my hearing.

Today's Song: Glory Days, Just Jack (I heard this song on the Sirius Satellite Radio 1 channel. It isn't available on American iTunes, but is available on UK iTunes. I'd buy the cd from amazon.co.uk - but the exchange rate has finally hit the TWO DOLLAR mark. And that is insane. So if anyone has an mP3 of this song - please e-mail it to me?)

A Potrait of the Lawyer as a Young Office Boy

Years and years ago, probably 1985 maybe 1986, I worked during the summers in my grandpa's law office. Just a couple days a week. I would deliver documents to other offices, go to the post office, pick up drinks, treats, and lunches for secretaries, and make photocopies.

One day, Hardees, then located at 400 South and 200 East (currently a Burger King), dropped off menus to the office. The menu stated something to the effect of "Fax Us Your Order and We'll Deliver." Fax machines were pretty new contraptions, and this 11 year old kid wasn't to hip to their actual function. So I asked a secretary to explain the "fax order" process to me. She explained that you fill out the order form, send it by fax to the restaurant's fax machine, and then the food will arrive. I was sold. I wanted to fax an order that very minute. For this reason: I thought that faxing and delivering was done by pneumatic tubes - like at the bank. I figured Hardees had set up tunnels and tubes all through the city to deliver food underground and up through buildings. It was the 80's! The future was here!

After I insisted that everyone in the office get on board with my faxed order, it was explained to me that there were no pneumatic tubes. You actually had to go pick up the order yourself, or have an actual Hardees employee deliver the food to you. I was crushed. The fax machine was the only office machine that ever really stumped me.

I will also point out that when camera phones were first introduced I thought they were probably the stupidest idea ever. And I blame the advertisements. Remember that commercial where the girl is at a yard sale and takes a picture of a ceramic frog and sends it someone to see if she should buy it? Stoo-peed. Though the ad was lame, I cannot believe how wrong I was about camera phones.

Season 2, episode 6. That is the GA episode where Shepard and Bailey are in the elevator and she stops the elevator to give Shepard a moment to cry a little and pull himself together. I thought that was a great scene, but I couldn't remember what precipitated it. I always thought it had something to do with Meredith and Addison, but no, it was more to do with a surgical case, I think.

I bought Paper Mario for the Wii. It looks promising.

I have a hearing in St. George on Monday - which means this weekend I will be in Las Vegas. Have you seen the ad with the two guys at the gym on exercise bikes. The one guy asks the other guy something like, "What do you do in Vegas?" And the guy looks a little panicked and thinks a minute, and says "Shows. I like to see the shows. I saw The Producers and, shows. I see shows." He's obviously lying and it is just so perfect. Once someone posts it on YouTube, I'll post it here.

Today's Song: Glamorous, Fergie (I judge myself for liking it.)

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And how sad is this?

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I am in Nephi this morning for a hearing. One of my favourite things in small Utah towns is vintage motel signs. And the little outdoor pools at the motel.

Also, on the drive down I practiced a new karaoke song: Smoke of a Distant Fire by Sanford & Townsend. Despite my very poor singing ability, I think I am really nailing it.

The Catherine Tate Show.

Has anyone else seen this show on BBC America? I love it.

I'd call it Little Britain crossed with The Tracy Ullman Show.

Here are a few clips - the last one is my favourite.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four. (Her trombone kills me.)

Today's Song: Hot, Hot, Hot, Buster Poindexter

Guest Blog

I liked this survey, but didn't feel compelled to fill it out myself. So I had B-Lo fill it out. Without her permission, I am posting her answers:

1. Who were your best friends? Greg, Elise, Ryan H, Jared, Sue, April, Thea, Mary Ellen, Laura and Jenn Belnap. Oh, and Justin in summers.
2.What sports did you play? Theft.
3. What kind of car did you drive? Ford Escort...I LOVED that car. Yes it’s fast. No you can’t drive it.
4. It's Friday night, where were you? Riverdale Drive-In, or Parent’s with friends.
5. Were you a party animal? More of a party planner.
6. Were you considered a flirt? Please, I had a steady in Texas.
7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Colorguard.
8. Were you a nerd? Sort of, yes.
9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No but I got kicked out of Mr. Jensen’s class once.
10. Who was your favorite teacher? Coach Allen. She suggested brushing teeth in the shower. I’ve been doing it ever since. I also loved Mary Urbanski and was Ms. Barnet’s TA so she was nice to me.
11. Where did you eat lunch? School lunch sometimes or Greg and Sue and anyone else free would drive to Mc Donalds or Subway.
12.What was your school's full name? Davis High School.
13. School mascot? Dart.
14. Did you go to Prom? Greg and I sat outside at watched prom our Junior year from the car at the fairgounds. Sounds loser-ish, I know. But it’s a good memory.
15. If you could go back and do it over, would you? No.
16. What do you remember most about graduation? Smiled for the camera during my speech. Lied to the door people so Ryan Hammer and I could go out to the car (no re-entry) and drink the sparkling cider my mom gave me to celebrate. Came home at 6:00 and said good bye to my mom for the entire summer. Started Sinclair the following Monday.
17. What were you involved in during High school? Yearbook and friends.
18. Where were you on senior skip day? Did we have that? I skipped Seminary most days. Does that count?
19. Did you have a job your senior year? Lagoon and then Things Remembered.
20. Have you gained weight since then? Of course not.
21. Where did you go after graduation? Downhill (Just kidding. But it’s a very vague question.)22. When did you graduate? '93
23. Who was your Senior prom date? See #14
24. Are you going to your 10 year reunion? 20? Maybe
25. Who was your least favorite teacher? Any that taught Math
26. Were you popular? I was ridiculously popular in high school
27. Did you get picked on? My dad wasn’t exactly nice. Does that count?
28. Was high school a good experience overall? Yes, but college was much more fun.
29. What would former classmates say about where you are in life now? Since I still see 3 of them on a daily basis, probably, “What are you doing for dinner tonight?”
30. What advice would you give to present day high schoolers? Everyone is insecure. Use that to your advantage.

I was going to have Stella fill it out too, but she would have obsessed and fretted about her answers for most of the day. And had I told her I was going to post it to internet, she'd have had a nervous breakdown.

Weekend Update

There is only one fancy restaurant in Wendover. It is at the Rainbow Hotel and Casino, and I think it is called The Steakhouse. I've dined there many times, but I know it only as "The 'Muppets in Space' Restaurant". That is due to its decorating scheme. I can't describe it, so a picture is worth a thousand words:











The rooms in Wendover are super nice. Three-dimensional ceilings that do not attract dust because they are fitted with a dust ruffle. There is also plenty of overhead ambient lighting. See:










Yesterday Stella tried to get Beck kidnapped. She put him in a seersucker suit, white newsboy cap, and aviator glasses. Oh, and navy and white saddle oxfords. I used the occasion to bring out my ascot:

B Lo: Please take of the ascot.
Justin: No.
B Lo: Please.
Justin: No.
B Lo: Please.
Justin: No.
B Lo: Please.
Justin: No.
B Lo: Get out your camera.
Justin: Why?
B Lo: Because there is a goat in the back seat of that Toyota Corolla next to us.
Justin: Holy shit.

Indeed there was a goat (with long horns!) in the back seat of a red Toyota Corolla headed northbound on I-15. A middle aged woman was driving and there were no other passengers in the car. The goat appeared to be eating the back seat. Or some Fritos. That is the strangest thing I have ever seen on the freeway - and that even includes anything and everything I have ever done while driving and passengering. Seriously.

Unfortunately, my camera was not handy and a proper picture was not taken. My apologies. And really, you didn't even have to be there to appreciate the oddity of that sight.

Today's Song: The Secret of My Success, Night Ranger (I love that movie.)

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That Tree of Life.

Fw:

To celebrate the good news, I rented a convertible and drove out to Wendover to meet my family. We celebrate resurrection with Cops and Donuts and Money Storm. And a little blackjack.

I Forgot My F*&ing Passport!

Awesome.

Thanks Susie.

p.s. The song is Burslem Normals by Robbie Williams - available on iTunes.

EDIT:

I can't believe I haven't posted this yet.

From Little Britain: Computer says no.

Have You Heard the Good News?

He is risen.

Have you seen this? Not quite the Sartorialist, but interesting nonetheless.

I am spending an inordinate amount of time listening to 94.1 (oldies) and 107.5 (country legends).

Driving down the freeway a couple days ago, I saw a billboard for Jimmy Ch_ng_ and Mister. I really, really, really don't like them. I love that Ch_ng_ has to make bizarre faces for the billboards - and all advertising really - in order to distract from how ugly he is.

Lagoon opens tomorrow!

When I was a senior in high school, I got a pair of patchwork madras shorts from J.Crew. I don't remember throwing them out, but yet I cannot find them anywhere. Too bad because patchwork madras is IN right now and I would really like to have my vintage pair. (For the record, I type paragraphs like this and wonder if it is really what I want to be telling internet.)

Every Thursday in front of the federal building on 100 South and State there is an organized protest of the Iraq war. B-Lo says she won't be able to live with herself if she fails to protest this war with signs and marching and the like. I thought that was a noble idea. Ten, 15, 20 years from now, I will probably want to say I voiced opposition in a meaningful way. But I have this fear that I'd be marching with a sign and someone would come up and quiz me on the actual facts of the war and I would be unable to intelligently respond, so I need to give up dListed for a little while and focus my attention on CNN and Newsweek and Time (and not the tv, film, and pop culture sections).

New Sopranos on Sunday. Even more good news.

Today's Song: If You Ever Change Your Mind, Crystal Gayle

10 Reasons I Love Footloose

Footloose was on Vh1 Classic last night. It followed the Top 20 Videos of the 80's -which I recorded, of course.

So 10 Reasons I Love Footloose (and this list is by no means exhaustive):

1. My highschool debate teacher's large feet squished into tiny pumps in the opening sequence.

2. Kevin Bacon quoting from the bible before the city council.

3. It was filmed in Lehi.

4. Little Carrie Bradshaw.

5. Chris Penn.

6. Kevin Bacon's solo dance scene in the mill place.

7. It has a Kenny Loggins theme song.

8. Dancing in the Sheets, Shalamar

9. Almost Paradise, Ann Wilson & Mike Reno

10. The tractor chicken fight.

Did anyone else see in last week's issue of People that Maureen McCormick, aka Marcia Brady, came clean about having bulimia and a cocaine addiction after The Brady Bunch wrapped.

The cover also had a story on Dancing with the Stars' weight loss secrets. I will pick up any magazine that features "weight loss tips" or "weight loss secrets". Because I just have to know if there is something other than diet and exercise that I am not aware of.

Today's Song: No Scrubs, TLC

I Misunderstood.

Lately I have seen these signs around town. I thought they were to remind us (men) about the power of words and to not say hurtful things to women. But I was wrong, I guess. After closer inspection it appears the ads are to discourage violence against children. Oops.

The Moral of the Story is:

Motorola makes good phones.

On Sunday, I was sitting outside on B-Lo's deck. I intended to send a text message/e-mail to someone, but B-Lo didn't think it was a good idea. She went for my phone, I defended, and the Motorola Razr V3x that I bought on eBay in November 06 went crashing to the asphalt four stories below us. The top part of the phone (the screen) broke off from the bottom of the phone. Surprisingly though the body of the phone still worked. It powered on, could dial out, could receive calls, etc., but the screen was completely dead. So I had to get a new phone. I thought I wanted the Samsung Blackjack, but instead I opted for the Blackberry Pearl. This phone is smarter than I am and I am very much intimidated by it. However, I am looking forward to being able to "mobile blog" once again, and it is nice to be able to check, send, and receive e-mail so quickly. I just wish new phone has the lady with the Australian accent living in it that says "Say A Command". I had quite a crush on her.

The balcony is lit up with white lights. No phones allowed on it now.

Today's Song: It's Not Over, Daughtry