CDs and Vibrators

The other night I was at Brookstone at Trolley Square. Did you know they sell cds? Well, they do. And they even have a listening station. A featured cd was Chicago's Greatest Hits, and the collection was rather comprehensive. Well, comprehensive in the sense that it had both 25 to 6 to 4 and Hard Habit to Break on it. I almost bought it on the spot if only for Wishing You Were Here. I didn't buy it, however, because the cd was SEVENTEEN DOLLARS. Come on. Maybe cds could retail for $17 or more circa 1991, and even circa 1998, but aren't those days over? In my opinion, in this age of music piracy, cds should retail for, say, $9 to $12. Anything over $15, IMHO, is ridiculous. Why Brookstone thinks they can sell cds for such an outrageous price, I do not know. Are they not making enough money off their vibrators? I mean "personal massagers"?

I later went to iTunes and looked up the Chicago collection. They had a Chicago's greatest hits cd - The Very Best of Chicago with 39 songs - for get this, $11.99. Done. Buy now. Because that is good price.

Today's Song: Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is, Chicago

Classic Elementary School Lines

circa 1982-1985 (yes, still stuck in the 80's this week):

1. Prove it.

2. Well, why don't you marry it?

3. Up your butt and around the corner?

4. My mom says I can't get wet.

5. I'm telling teacher/ground duty.

6. I know you are but what am I?

7. Two little lovers sitting in a tree . . .

8. I'm made out of rubber, you're made out of glue . . .

9. I speak __________.

10. My dad can beat up your dad.

11. You're not the boss of me.

12. He/she started it!

13. Nuh-uh.

14. Give me a pump.

15. Your mom. (Just kidding, but that line has to have reached the grade schoolers by now, right?)

Help me out here, what am I forgetting?

And a classic Ava line from yesterday, "Well how would you like it if I un-paused Oprah?!"

Today's Song: I Won't Last a Day Without You, The Carpenters

He's Still Preoccupied

with 1985.

This morning I went to my regular Starbucks. I intended to order a venti iced Americano with room, but wasn't sure whether or not they were serving iced beverages just yet. So instead I ordered a grande with room Americano. I suspect my order was misheard by the barista because he was more involved with flirting with the guy that was ahead of me in line. (Has anyone else noticed that Starbucks appears to be "outing" their baristas by having them post pictures of themselves with a brief "q and a" on bulletin boards in the store? One of the question is "A celebrity you would like to date.") I paid for my drink and then waited for name to be called. I waited. And I waited. And I waited some more. Finally, my name was called, but the drink sounded a little unusual. "Here is that double shot grande drip coffee for Justin." I took the drink because the name was right and I was in a hurry to get to work. But then I processed the exact drink I had taken. A cup with two shots of espresso and at least 12 ounces of black coffee. I am not entirely certain, but I think that drink is a.k.a. a "red eye." It certainly is not the double espresso with 12 ounces of hot water that I ordered.

"My god," I thought, "I'm going to be Alex on Effie's diet pills today."

Who gets the reference? The Family Ties episode where Alex is under too much scholastic pressure and he convinces Mallory to get from her friend Effie some diet pills so that he can pull all nighters and stay awake. I've never forgotten that episode. He cleaned the garage, waxed floors, he did it all. But he also freaked out on Mallory and she had to reign him in. Classic episode.

So as I thinking about Alex and walking up State Street, I caught a glimpse of myself in an office window. Sperry Top Sider shoes, argyle socks, chinos, critter belt, oxford shirt, and Wayfarers. If only I had a knit tie, I'd have been my 10 year old self walking up the street doing a run for my grandpa's law office.

My affinity for the 80's may be manifesting itself a little to blatantly.

So I'm going to risk consuming this drink and turning into speed pill Alex, but actually - and I do not mean this in any way offensive, I fear I will be more like current Michael J. Fox sans medication.

Now, I have some Huey Lewis and the News to download.

Today's Song: At This Moment, Billy Vera and the Beaters

Weekend Notes

To Ali and her coworkers: Ruth's Chris was awesome.

To slcup and the rest of the Friday night group: Great birthday party.

To B-Lo: Your cabana is fantastic.

To Greg: Nice makeover.

To Maria and the rest of the Saturday night group: Great birthday party.

To Cabana Club: You're terrific.

To B-Lo: Your cabana is just as good the second day.

To Stella: I hope Albuquerque was great, and I hope you danced.

To 9 to 5: I (heart) you.

To Pagoda: Ew.

Today's Song: New York Minute, Don Henley

364 Days . . .

and counting. I've had a blog for nearly a year. Birthday is tomorrow. I suppose I will have to mark the occasion with some sort of celebration.

Poor, poor George. I don't recall ever empathizing with a tv character the way I did last night with poor George. He needed some Origins "No Puffery," some Rohto menthol eye drops, a Spicy V8, etc. Poor guy. Alright, I know he brought it on himself, but, well, ouch.

I nearly got in a car accident on heavily trafficked Riverdale Road yesterday. Riverdale Road has to be one of the best examples of a complete failure of urban planning. It is a nightmare. What nearly caused my car accident was seeing a stand alone Macy's in what used to be, maybe, a Walmart. I kid you not. I'd never seen anything like it.

From there, I attempted to have lunch at Warren's at the north end of Riverdale Road. It's been there ever since I can remember. I loved their fries, lime rickeys, and even remember having a marshmallow shake there once when I was quite little. I speak of Warren's in past tense now because it was being demolished. I need to research whether it's a remodel in progress or something much worse.

After my arbitration I went to Layton Hills Mall. Teen stores galore there. Anchor Blue, Aeropostale, Buckle, Zumiez, Pac Sun, Hollister, Hot Topic. Seriously, the median age of shoppers there must be 20. But that was okay with me because I was looking for a pair of Billabong plaid pants. (No luck.)

I'm hoping for pool weather tomorrow.

Today's Song: Still Alright, Adam Merrin

Incidentally, I searched for this song on-line last night for at least half an hour and it was nowhere to be found. Today, it's everywhere. Including the artist's myspace page where you can stream it. See here.

It's A Beautiful Day!

Greg is Hot Slut of the day at duh-Listed and slcup is a Birthday Slut. What are the chances?!

I discovered a new band last night (well, new to me anyway). Check out the Guggenheim Grotto's album Waltzing Alone. (Thanks KRCL mixtape.)

Sometimes I wish Lost could go for two or three more hours. My love for Kate went even deeper last night. And I am back to liking Locke.

Does anyone else watch Intervention on A&E? For you Comcast subscribers, it's available in OnDemand. Funny that a show about addiction can be so, well, addicting. It's one of the few "reality" shows I can tolerate.

How cool is this?

And this is pretty awesome. It's a website that streams music based on your mood. Check it out.

I will be in Ogden this afternoon for an arbitration and I think I will have lunch at either Warren's Riverdale Road or Tony's off Washington. Anyone else familiar with that place? Note: Ogden is not a foreign land to me.

Today's Song: Told You So, Guggenheim Grotto

Stories of Spokane

On Saturday, B-Lo and I flew to Spokane to see some NCAA games. Our trip was sponsored by KUTV. We almost didn't make it. Our flight was at 8:22am on Saturday morning. When we got the airport, it looked like this:













Actually the airport looked much, much worse. More like Beirut. There were millions of people everywhere and they all had huge ski bags. I was amazed. I have never, ever seen SLC airport that busy. It turns out the bad weather on the East coast caused alot of people to miss their flights and be rerouted. We missed our flight and didn't get on another flight until nearly four in the afternoon.

Here I am in flight:














I was pleasantly surprised by Spokane. The city is really pretty and the group we traveled with was alot of fun.

On Sunday we watched the Texas v. USC game. I picked Texas to win. I was disappointed. The Trojans beat the Longhorns.













After the game, we went to an Indian casino. I'd never been to one before. It was incredibly confusing. You can't just put your money in a slot machine. You have to put your money in one machine, print out a voucher, and then you put your voucher in the slot machine you want to play. But other machines required you to have a plastic card that you topped up with cash and inserted that into the slot machine. I am still not sure how it all worked. I had to have it explained to me at least a dozen times. And it wasn't because I was drinking, either. The Indian casino only served soft drinks. That you helped yourself to. Like at Chuck-A-Rama. See:













Also on Sunday, we toured downtown Spokane. We went to the mall and visited the Riverfront park. The park was really pretty as was the river. I wanted to swim in the river, but gave up the idea when I saw this sign:



Now, I didn't understand why there was such a strong warning about swimming. Seriously, "STAY ALIVE"? That seemed a bit excessive.

Until I took the gondola ride and saw the crashing falls:





On Deanna's recommendation, I made sure to see the metal eating goat. Now I thought the metal eating goat was actually a LIVE goat that ate metal. But no, it was really just a metal goat.




You might notice my new shoes. And my circa 1982 preppy look. Spokane really appreciated me dressing up for them.

B-Lo got new shoes too:













We closed out the trip with a dinner downtown. I ended up meeting George Clinton's wife. I think she was drawn to my gorgeous green teeth.













Too much food colouring from St. Patrick's Day celebrations.













Today's Song: Crowing, Toad the Wet Sprocket

Look at what I got in the mail today:

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, youhave to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comesback.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

Today's Song: Let's Groove Tonight, Earth Wind & Fire

Warning to Susie:

UPDATE: Still talking the March Madness.

Note to Notre Dame and Duke: F&^# you both. Your lame losses = losses for me and that is not good for any of us. Well, it is good for some people because my bracket is now TIED for first. I won't forget this Duke. And I won't forget this Notre Dame. You pansies!

And Georgia Tech: I have a problem with you too, but it's not as big as the one I have with the other two. I don't care so much that you lost to UNLV. But UNLV better lose to Wisconsin. I hope UNLV is currently celebrating in true LV style with gambling, hookers, clove cigarettes, and drinks the size of my right leg. Topped off with Bacardi 151. Wisconsin better be ready to unleash a fury.

Thankfully, Spokane has one of them Indian Casinos (feather, not dot - Susie). I will need some relief from all of this NCAA madness.

______________________________________
I am going to talk March Madness.

So Duke totally screwed up my NCAA bracket. They lost by two little points and cost me a lot more points. The losers. And Indiana too. Losing to Gonzaga. That loss cost me less points than Duke, but still - I expected them to at least get out of the first round.

In any event, I am currently winning my office pool thus far. Fingers crossed: I hope to go all the way. Go Florida! Go North Carolina! Go Kansas! And go that other team I picked.

Today's Song: One More Time, Daft Punk

Coming Clean

Two things first: I don't generally read alot of local news (or national for that matter), and I don't consider myself a "foodie."

For years my office subscribed to the Salt Lake Tribune. Until one day, the Deseret News started showing up. I thought it was a mistake, but it turned out the mistake was actually that we had been receiving the Tribune. Our subscription was actually for the Deseret News. For most of my life, I've pretty much ignored the Deseret News and considered the Tribune the only real newspaper in Utah. I liked reading it at the office, but when the Deseret News started showing up, I turned the Tribune on-line. But lately, I've really come to enjoy Deseret News. And one section in particular. The Food section on Wednesdays and Fridays. In fact, I've even cut out a couple recipes and tried them at home. My favourite columnist is Valerie Philips. Yesterday she posted this article, and when I was at the grocery store later that night, I saw asparagus on sale and decided to give this recipe a try. For me, one who tries to keep cooking time and eating time directly proportional, this was quite a step in the kitchen. Unfortunately, I didn't have the recipe in hand or even memorized so I had to kind of try and remember it. I got it rather wrong. First, I didn't add water. Second, I cooked over high heat for way to long. And third, I cooked uncovered which really smoked up the kitchen. Nevertheless, I wasn't too disappointed with the outcome and I recommend the braising vegetable idea.

So, apparently I am a bit of a local news reader and a foodie.

Today's Song: Take It From Me, The Weepies

California Adventure

On Friday, I flew to LAX and then checked into the Hollywood Renaissance Hotel at Hollywood and Highland. Here is the view from my room:



My nose is blocking the Hollywood sign. That says alot about the size of my nose.



Here is a better picture, but the sign is so far away, I doubt you can make out the white letters.



On Saturday, I walked to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf with Jeni and Tom. Tom does not like Phil Collins. So he spat upon Phil's star. I objected citing "No Jacket Required" and the work of Genesis (i.e. the band), but nevertheless he proceeded.

Later I went to Beverly Hills with my mom. We had breakfast at the Fountain Shop in the Beverly Hills Hotel. I thought Dianne Von Furstenburg was sitting near us, but I was wrong. Afterward we went to Edelweiss chocolates (featured in the March 07 Vanity Fair) and the famous Sprinkles cupcake store. Here is a view of the cupcakes:



Later that evening, after a day at the pool and dinner at Musso & Franks, I saw Jodie Foster in a parking lot. I said, "That's Jodie Foster." My mom said, "No, it's not." I said, "Watch this." I walked up to Jodie Foster and, for god knows what possible reason, "I loved you in 'Taxi Driver.'" Jodie Foster said, "Wow, thank you - that's an old one." My mom said, "Okay, you were right." I later figured out that I said "Taxi Driver" because a few days earlier I read the People magazine with the Oscar wrap-up, and Jodie Foster had a quote about Martin Scorsese -who directed her in "Taxi Driver." There is rhyme and reason after all.

Late, late, really late that night, I went to the famous Pinks Hot Dog stand at 711 N. La Brea.

This is the sign:



This is the menu:



This is me in the line with my new friends. The line was about half a mile long, so I was really chatty.



Fortunately, I did not take a photo of what I ate at Pinks. I enjoyed it, but it was kind of like going to Pace's Dairy Ann in Bountiful only with a much, much longer line.

Sunday, I went to the beach. It was a beautiful day.



Monday I went to Disney's California Adventure Park. There was alot of this:



I rode my favourite ride, i.e. The Hotel, which you can see here in the upper right. This picture was taken atop the ferris wheel ride.



That night, everyone in the shops was wearing crazy headgear. I could not figure out what this guy was wearing, but now that I look at it, it appears to be a palm tree with a monkey attached and the monkey is holding a banana. I could be very wrong.



I thought about getting a hat for this weekend, but decided against it (I'd have needed a special locker for it.)



The next day was Disneyland and I wanted to get a vintage Mickey Mouse t-shirt. I couldn't find one. But then I looked in the girls' department and saw this t-shirt:



I decided against buying that too. But I got the pirate do-rag.

Good times, good times.

No roses, no romance . . .

I spent Saturday at a pool in Hollywood. Sunday at a beach in Laguna. Monday at California Adventure. And Tuesday at Disneyland. I hope to post pictures later this afternoon. Unfortunately, I do not have a picture of the scene where I accosted Jodie Foster in a parking lot.

While at the Disney's California Adventure, I heard an "oldie, but goodie" song. One I had long forgotten about. Champaign's, Try Again. Who remembers it? Besides you Susie. Of course you do. Apparently not too many others because the song is not available for download on iTunes. And that is why I am having a hard time being back from vacation today.

Today's Song: Try Again, Champaign

Presenting My First Ever Internet Crush:

She is perfection.

And I have to miss her concert tonight. I am jetting to southern California for a few days. To find the sun. Though I hear it will be making a star-like appearance in Utah this weekend, it will be shining brighter and warmer on the stars in Hollywood. So that's where I will be.

I will tell Mickey and Minnie "hello" from the Internet.

Today's Song: California, Phantom Planet (and miscellaneous Beach Boys songs - except not Kokomo.)

; )

This arrived today:

I will probably wear it everywhere. It came with a free drink coupon. Free shirt, free shipping, free drink. Well done Starbucks.

Does anybody out there really, actually dry clean their jeans to maintain a dark wash? The thought of dry cleaning jeans seems almost as strange to me as the swimsuit I had that was allegedly "dry clean only." But, care instructions and magazines recommend dry cleaning to maintain the intended finish of so-called "premium denim," so I figure there must be people out there that do.

It reminds me of a Mitch Hedberg joke - which I will paraphrase:

My sweater is dry clean only. Which means it is dirty.

Here's another one:

"I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you're a table."

Today's Song: Waiting For a Girl Like You, Cobra Verde

Some Shakins

After hearing (reading) much buzz about Grey Gardens, I set my DVR to record the documentary on the Sundance Channel. I watched it last night. It was interesting, but not exactly gripping (IMHO). Little Edie reminded me alot of my friend Ava. Both like to dress up in fancy outfits designed by themselves, wear alot of makeup, dance around the house, and discuss their many talents. Ava is 6 while Little Edie was 56 at the time of filming. The Hamptons looked lovely.

Tom Shane and his Shane Company ads used to be catchy around the mid to late '90s. Now, I find them incredibly annoying.

I didn't leave Utah once during the month of February. I cannot remember the last month that I didn't go somewhere outside of Utah for either a weekend trip, long trip, or quick work trip. I am heading to California this weekend (Hollywood and OC), and Tacoma the following weekend for the NCAA tournament. So I guess that cancels out February's disappointment.

Question for readers: what is the concensus on the "calories burned" meter on machines at the gym? I know it's an approximate and not exactly reliable, but does is err on the side of more burned or less burned? That's the burning question.

I listened, really listened, to Tina Turner's song Typical Male yesterday. The lyrics were terribly brilliant and struck oh so close to home. In fact, I truly felt she was singing to me. The lyrics are here, and Tina you can reach me via the comments here. I think this is very likely the only song out there where a woman sings about trying to seduce her lawyer. Okay so I was going to link to the lyrics, but they are just so excellent that they must be posted:

Tell me lawyer what to do
I think Im falling in love with you
Defend me from the way I feel
Wont you give me some advice
On how to handle my private life
Im sure we can make a deal
I confess Im a fool for men with a clever mind
But your intellect aint no match with this heart of mine
All I want is a little reaction
Just enough to tip the scales
Im just using my female attraction
On a typical male, on a typical male
Your sense of justice Ill embrace
But your defence dont help my case
Im deep in trouble with the law
Something about authority
Seems to bring out the bad in me
Hey lawyer gotta catch me when I fall
Oh they say that you match your wits with the best of them
But I know when Im close youre just like the rest of them
All I want is a little reaction
Just enough to tip the scales
Im just using my female attraction
On a typical male, on a typical male
So put your books aside
Loosen off the suit and tie
Gotta open up your heart and let me in
Open up your heart and let me in

Brilliant. My clients often sing to me. But never with such desire and unabashed enthusiasm. I bet alot of lawyers in the 80's requested this song at the dance clubs. It was probably nice to have a song that really celebrated their value and sex appeal. And with such a nice beat.

Today's Song: Grey Gardens, Rufus Wainwright

I Have A Dream

and that dream is to have these in my home.

In all the years I've lived in Salt Lake, I've yet to have my own washer and dryer. In college I drove to my parents home every Sunday and did laundry. That continued after I graduated and went to law school. I had a tremendous fear of public laundromats and never used them. The fear was partly based on a worry that my clothes would actually get clean, partly based on unsavoury characters that hang out at laundromats, and mostly based on theft. You see, when I was in college I was at the Pi Phi house visiting friends around lunch time and two girls came in and announced that their clothes had been stolen out of a washer. Stolen. Out. Of. A. Washer. That freaked me out and kept me out of laundromats for at least 5 or 6 years. No one was going to steal my clothes from a washer or dryer.

My current flat is about two or three doors from a laundromat. When I first moved in, I still generally did my laundry at my parents' house, however I slowly started using the laundromat next door for a quick load here and there. But I eventually realized that a laundromat next door to my place was unquestionably convenient. I could do four or five loads at the same time. That beats devoting an entire Sunday to a laundry. So I weaned myself away from driving to my parents to do laundry and moved exclusively to the laundromat.

The laundromat is not without its problems, however. For example, when you leave money in your jeans and put them in the washer and later the dryer, there is no guarantee that you or someone you trust will find it. So far, I've been lucky. On three occasions (at least three occasions that I know of) I've left money in my pockets and found it after the dry cycle was complete. Once a hundred dollar bill, once a fifty, and once two twenties. Though that good fortune was balanced out though by the time I found dog poop in the washer that I had just washed my clothes in. It wasn't mine - I don't own a dog. So that was rather disgusting, and I really don't like to think about it let alone talk about. Please forget I mentioned it.

Luckily I have yet to have any clothes stolen from a washer or dryer (though a sock or two seem to disappear every once in awhile). But I am still incredibly paranoid about it. Mainly because I don't stick around the laundromat while my clothes are washing or drying. I make certain that I am always there though at least a minute or two before the machine is scheduled to stop. And I am particularly watchful with fellow customers that look like they are about my size or that appear to have a taste for nice things.

I am still not comfortable having strangers watch me fold my underwear and vice versa.

Ah, the glory of urban dwelling.

In other news, Georgeory won a radio station contest yesterday. He won two tickets to the Snow Patrol concert, plus backstage passes, a meet and greet with the band, and new camera to take phtos of the concert from the stage. So hopefully he will post a comment about that.

Today's Song: You're All I Have, Snow Patrol

Seasons Change, People Change

Two days into March and its snow days for both. I love it. I need some to every thing turn, turn, turn, there is a season turn, turn, turn.

Last night, I caught the last half an hour of Four Weddings & A Funeral. That picture came out in 1994! That's right, the movie is now 13 years old. I remember seeing it at the Trolley Square theater and loving so much of the British dialogue that I took out a pen and paper and started writing phrases down. Like "Fuckadoodledoo" and "Bugger, bugger, bugger" and the like. I've seen the film several times since and never had any objection to it. Until last night. The ending is soooo corny. And Andie Macdowell's acting is soooo bad. But the most disturbing thing for me was that if I had gotten the girl I went to see the movie with that night pregnant - I'd have a 13 year old child today. A teenager! Where does the time go?

Did you see the story about the AP news wire's seven day ban on Paris Hilton coverage? I love that. Unfortunately, the story quoted an US magazine editor who said that they have to have some bit on Paris in every issue because people feel they need to know what she is up to. They admire her self confidence blah blah blah. Who are these people? Please stand up so I can see you.

There is some sort of construction going on in the building I work in. Or maybe it is construction near the building. In any event, my office has literally been shaking all week. I feel like I am on some sort of an amusement park ride.

Check out this interesting hotel in Denver. Better yet, check in.

Today's Song: Nobody's Fool, Kenny Loggins