Nightmare Statute of Limitations

Due to a raging infection in my right cheek, I've been on a slew of extremely potent antibiotics the past couple weeks. While those antibiotics have been effective in reducing the infection and swelling in my face, they've also had a very powerful side effect: sleep disturbance. Each night I have terrible, vivid nightmares and wake up a couple times in the night. It got to the point where I terminated the antibiotics early. I know, boo-hoo. But that's not the point of this post.

Hanging in my closet is a well worn - very well worn - denim shirt that I bought(?) in probably 1991. I believe I wore that shirt (with a tie) to debate tournaments in high school. I wore it the summer before starting university. I wore it to keggers. I wore it on Spring Break. It is perfectly broken in. Robert Redford would love to own it. It is that worn. Unfortunately, though it still fits just right, I haven't been able to wear it since approximately 1994. Because sometime in 1994, I had a a very, very bad dream wherein I either (a) committed a murder or (b) was an accessory to a murder. And in that dream, I was wearing that Gap denim shirt. (Yeah, it's just a Gap. Not Ruff Hewn or Timberland or any of the other fancy early 90's brands.) Now that dream was so vivid that while I can't exactly rememeber the details of it, I can remember the impact it had on me. And the best way I can measure that impact is the fact that I have not been able to wear that shirt because I do not want to risk that dream coming true. So long as I didn't put on that shirt, there is no possible way that horrible dream could ever come true. A couple of times I've put it on thinking, "Don't be a nutter. It was just a dream." But I inevitably puss out and take it off in favor of something else.

It's been 14 going on 15 years since I had that dream. And I think the statute of limitations for a nightmare coming true has probably passed, hasn't it? Or is it still a possibility? I'm thinking it's time to either put the shirt back in rotation or burn it?

Today's Song: Romeo and Juliet, Indigo Girls (because I surely wore that damn shirt to a Park West concert - maybe Indigo Girls or Sting or something)

So, My Friend Has This Problem:

It's really not me.

My friend VT really likes nice things like handbags and shoes. She's planning a move and is literally cleaning out her closet. She's liquidating Kate Spade and other bags and loads of shoes.

A couple months ago, she listed a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes on eBay. After the auction, the purchaser told VT that if she decided to sell any other shoes, to give the purchaser first right of refusal. VT naturally assumed the purchaser was a woman or at least a man purchasing the shoes for a woman.

Bearing that offer in mind, this week when VT got down to cleaning out her closet, she remembered the prior purchaser, dug out the email address, and sent an e-mail with pictures of shoes she was looking to sell.

This is the unedited, unembellished response she received:

"Please forgive me, I didn't see that the pictures were attached! The Louboutins are lovely. I'd like to make a request, and I understand if you don't care for the offer, in which case i will take your original offer. Would you consider $200 for both shoes, with one picture of each of the shoes on your feet as well? I hope that is not asking too much. Looking forward to your reply.
m."

VT did not immediately respond. Instead her mind flashed to the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte encounters a foot fetish shoe salesman named Buster who offers her free shoes if she will model them for him. While VT was marvelling at the fact that some men may actually exist, she received this response:

"Hello! I do hope I have not done anything to upset you. Looking forward to hearing from you! Thanks again. m."

VT asked me for advice on whether she should do it. I said, "I really don't see the big deal about sending out pictures of yourself wearing your shoes, you know?" Nevertheless, she's a little uneasy. I think there are loads of reasons why this purchaser would want a picture. Maybe he or she owns a consignment retail shop and wants to advertise the shoes, but doesn't have an available model? Maybe he or she wants to do an on-line auction but offer the shoes at a higher price and it may help them sell to have the original owner wearing them? See, plenty of innocent reasons.

But, of course, there are the pervy reasons too. I'll let you think of those for yourself (and share them in the comments!).

With that being said, readers, weigh in with your opinions on whether VT should sell the shoes along with pictures of her wearing them or ignore the offer altogether.

Today's Song: I Can't Wait, Nu Shooz

The March Madness

It's been a busy week.

Last Thursday morning (at 6am!) I flew with B-Lo, Jedd, and Stella to Long Beach airport. We then drove to Anaheim and tried to check into our hotel directly across from the main gate of Disneyland. Being that we were lodging directly across from the main gate at Disneyland, our rooms were of course not ready at 9am. "Check back at 4pm," they said. So we set off to find breakfast. After some driving, we found an Original Pancake House. We had a nice breakfast. And then . . .

We went to the Honda Center because we had tickets to both the morning and afternoon sessions of the NCAA tournament! We saw alot of basketball. I f&^%ed up my left hand performing some acrobatic dare with which Jedd challenged me. I'm typing in pain right now. Probably need to go the doctor. Probably won't. Unless my hand turns into one of those claws that Gareth Keenan talked about. (He talked about a claw, right?)

After a full NCAA day on Thursday, we went out to a nice five star dinner. And I DID NOT do an impersonation of 2 year old Beck performing a silent tantrum by lying down on the floor. The maitre d DID NOT come over - very concerned and a little scared - to ask if I was alright. THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.

Friday, early wake up. Headed over to the McDonalds directly in front of the Disneyland main gate. C-R-O-W-D-E-D. Lines at each register were at least 10 people deep. We got there at about the time the time you wonder, "Is it going to be breakfast menu or lunch?" When we walked in, it was breakfast. But the line was so long I said to Jedd and Stella, "This may be the day that I realize a long held dream, to see McDonalds change the menu from breakfast to lunch." A couple minutes later - they did. The menu boards are little triangles and they just spin them. Kind of anticlimatic. That was until some man lost his shit and screamed, "OH NO YOU DON'T. I've been waiting here for 20 minutes and I'm getting a #8 off the breakfast menu." There was a whole hell of a lot of bickering between McDonalds employees and angry customers over who was and was not getting breakfast orders. Me? I was fine with lunch.

We then moved over to Disneyland. You've all been to Disneyland and California Adventure so what is there to say about that? The highlights for me were a new Mickey shirt ("It's UNISEX!"), walking around with Pooh ears on my head (I swear people thought I had Downs Syndrome), a parade, some rides, a bad experience on the Pirates of the Carribean, Tower of Terror, Soarin' Over California, etc. For the first hour, Jedd and Stella walked around feeling guilty for not having their kids with them. Then they started noticing the families, the whining, the crying, the demanding, the exhaustion, and they agreed that Disneyland without kids is really quite indulgent and fun.

Saturday, we had tickets to the NCAA games again. Had, is the key word. We went to the mall, went to a beach in Laguna. Then Jedd and Stella left to catch their flight. Barlow and I had dinner at BJ's in Laguna Beach and called it a night.

Sunday, Barlow and I went grocery shopping, went to Sprinkles, had Easter Brunch at Tommy Bahama Cafe, and then went to the beach. Soon thereafter, it was time to fly home.

But my spring break didn't end there. Tuesday I had a hearing in St. George. At 6pm. So I had to drive down in the afternoon. Still tired from the weekend (not as relaxing as I make it sound), I wasn't looking forward to that long drive. To make the trip more exciting, I rented a convertible and drove down with the top down. That was nice and I really recommend it for long drives your dreading. Especially if you get Sirius satellite radio (set your stations to #30 Coffeehouse, #8 80s, #18 Spectrum, #4 Movin' EZ, and my favourite #22 1st Wave - but remember the comedy channels on 104 and 105 too because you'll generally catch some good bits I got Mitch Hedburg driving down and back.)

My hearing went late. So I had to stay overnight. I had dinner at Chilis and got a hotel room on Hotwire. I watched some MTV before going to bed. "Tila Tequila Spring Break". Didn't get it. Got really confused. "Who is this bitch and why are all these people crazy for her?" I wondered. Woke up early the next morning and drove back. I ate about $100 worth of beef jerky during the drive.

So that's my March Madness.

Today's Song: Better Than, John Butler Trio

Subtle

Sent from my iPhone

My Daily Schedule

circa 1985.

Todays Song: See TeeVee tunes above.

Erin Go Bragh

When I was little, my grandma gave me a hat with that saying printed on it. It confused the hell out of me. I had no idea what it meant. But now thanks to the power of Google, I believe that loosely translated it means Ireland the Beautiful or Ireland Forever. I've traveled a bit through the United Kingdom, Ireland, and a good portion of Europe, and I've said it before, I'll say it again: the Irish are the nicest people I met.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. One of my more memorable St. Patrick's days was March 17, 2000 in Oslo, Norway. I remember having a Murphys Irish Stout at a little bar with a fireplace. This was before the days of digital cameras and camera phones so I don't have a picture of it. Only the fuzzy mental picture stored on my internal hard drive.

Stella found this blog. Last night, she made this salad and I helped by making the dressing. I highly recommend it. Seriously, give it a go.

Today's Song: All We Are, Matt Nathanson

The Upside to a Political Sex Scandal:

It becomes commonplace at the office to discuss hookers and blowjobs. As well as prior sex scandals. By throwing out the name "Divine Brown", I really impressed everyone with my knowledge of all things relevant, intellectual, and inspirational.

And it was my honor to show Kristen's picture to my coworkers.

Today's Song: Key Largo, Bertie Higgins

Take a Letter Maria.

My secretary gave her notice a week ago. She's going back to her prior firm for more money and a fancy title. She only worked for me for about three or four months. So today I started interviewing for a new secretary. Do you know how much I hate interviewing secretaries? Probably you don't because I don't post about that kind of thing. I don't like it at all. I don't mind being interviewed, but I don't like conducting the interview. I also don't mind sitting in on an interview. But conducting the interview? No thanks. I suppose it has to do with the fact that I can size a person/personality up pretty quickly. So it becomes torture to have to keep an interview going after I've already decided it's not going to work out anyway. And if I think it is working out, I'm ready to make an offer right then. "Start now, please."

Three things that always positively sway me in an interview:

1. You're well put together.
2. You make me laugh.
3. You ask me how old I am (implying that I look too young to be an interviewer).

I had a secretary not too long ago that called me "handsome". She also had an Australian accent. I'm hoping for someone like that again this go round.

In other news, my face is swollen again due to infected root canal. The endodontist keeps offering me more and more Lortab and I keep turning it down and insisting on more antibiotics. I think I'm getting this problem taken care of next Monday once and for all. This tooth - number three (upper right molar) for those that are curious - is a nightmare.

Today's Song: I Feel It All, Feist (Remixed by Brett from Spoon)

Jeni.

This.

Today's Song: Name of the Game, ABBA

(Credit to parents: We're both pointing the finger at each other.)

Fierce?

I restyled them. Thoughts?

Fierce?

I restyled it. Thoughts?

Chola Morongo

While in Palm Springs, I went to the Morongo Casino and Resort for a classic rock concert (not my choice) and gaming (my choice). (Should you ever visit this casino/resort be advised that they charge you for drinks. As in, if you are playing blackjack - lowest table minimum: $15! - and order a drink, maybe say, a Makers Mark, you will be charged for that drink. Seriously, I watched it happen.

Now this casino was unlike any I'd ever been to before. Well, the crowd was unique, the casino itself wasn't that unusual. This crowd was 90% under the age of 35, and 45% Asian, 45% Hispanic, and 10% Caucasian staff. No joke. Because of the high proportion of young Hispanics, there were Cholas galore. As I was walking through the place, I passed several groups of Cholas. "Oh, get a picture with them for the people at home!" I thought. Fortunately, that little voice inside of me - the cautionary voice, the voice of reason - piped up and said, "Just keep walking. Eyes straight ahead." I listened and heeded.

So, no picture of me with the Cholas. But here is this:



Today's Song: Green Eyed Lady, Sugarloaf

At least Deacons aren't showing up

with blue envelopes.

Letter today in my mailbox, addressed to me, reads:

"Hi,

I'm in the Twentieth Ward that meets at 11am at the chapel on Second Ave. and G Street. I've just been called as coordinator for the activities (aid & resources) for the Singles age 31 and older. It's a undefinable job and my only qualification is that I can cook and own snowmobiles. I hope that enough skill for the job. (The Bishop has concern for your age group and thinks that's as good a recommendation as any.)

I don't exactly know who you all are. I hope to remedy that. With that end, [Name Withheld] and I want to start making the rounds to meet you all, and maybe get some ideas, recruits and preference. (I'm hoping that MYOB isn't the most prevalent one.)

Well, looking forward to that time, I'll close. Call if you want input before I get to you.

Thanks,

[Name and phone number withheld.]"

Two questions, WHO TURNED ME IN? and Who wants to go snowmobiling with the over 30s? Anyone?

Today's Song: Sweet and Low, Augustana

Greetings from Sunny Palm Springs

Today's Song: Summer Breeze, Seals and Crofts